I enjoy hearing great love stories. It makes me reflect back on what made made me fall in love with my husband. And don't we need a reminder from time to time? It's easy to get caught up in the flaws of a marriage.
That's why I loved reading "The Vow: The True Events that Inspired the Movie" (B&H Publishing Group, Nashville). It's a quick read at 180 pages, and much better than the movie. I say that because, well, the movie didn't spend time on the real emotions and frustrations that came out Kim and Krickitt Carpenter's tragedy. It instead focused on an exaggerated story to create more "stylized" drama. See my Movie Mama review. There's plenty of drama in the real story, it's just not as sexy as what was put on the big screen. And that's disappointing.
The book does hit on the couple's Christian faith, which wasn't at all mentioned in the movie. I don't understand why being a Christian has to be hidden. Even if you aren't, it's their story. It's is what keeps them fighting for each other when many others would have given up. I didn't find the mentions of their Christianity heavy handed or preachy in the book. It is what it is.
Their real story begins in late 1992 with a phone call. Kim falls for the sweet disposition of a girl taking his sportswear order and makes every effort to talk to her again. They soon meet and find they are made for each other. She moves to New Mexico and they marry. Ten weeks later, the newlyweds are heading to Phoenix for Thanksgiving dinner with family. But a tragic accident would forever change them.
The book is from Kim's perspective as a husband who watches the woman he loves in essence die before him. Krickitt not only is critically injured in a horrific crash, she forgets him entirely. Her personality — the one he falls in love with — also changes. But he's made a vow before God to love her for better or worse. It's definitely worse.
The book is written a lot like someone talking to a friend about what happened. He goes over their courtship and life together and the stark contrast of their post-trauma reality. How they treat each other is key to recovery. Kim is thinking his role now is to help her recover, so he finds himself in a role of a coach and caregiver instead of a husband. Krickitt is overwhelmed and frustrated. Imagine having someone tell you your married and you don't remember? Tension soars, and you start thinking these two won't make it. But Krickitt, who Kim came to know as a very devoted Christian, never loses her faith. She's lashing out and frustrated with Kim, but inside she's praying for guidance that she'll find the love she has for the husband she no longer remembers. He's seeking God for support, too, and must realize he also plays a role in diminishing their emotional distance.
Kim writes: "A year and a half after our wreck, I had finally resigned myself to the fact that my wife would never be the same person she had been before the accident....Krickitt never recovered her memory of our meeting, engagement, marriage, honeymoon, or anything of our life together before the accident." Heartbreaking! But they would opt to move forward together despite that huge hole in their relationship and the challenges it would create. It's those memories that help us build love and trust. They would need to start again. And they'd hit many rough patches getting there. In making it, they're inspiring.
I spoke with the couple briefly last week and the two things that struck me is Krickitt's ability to put the past behind and move forward. Don't we all get stuck in what was? She knew she couldn't dwell on the past and that she needed to be thankful for surviving a terrible crash. "It didn’t do me any good to go back to what I lost," she told me.
Kim told me he thinks it's strange that living up to his word to stand by his wife for better or worse is considered such a heroic thing. Isn't it expected? I'll share more of that conversation in another blog.
I definitely recommend picking up this best-selling book if you are looking for a little inspiration. It's made me look at my husband in a much more loving way. I can only hope it inspires many other relationships to focus on being better.
Cheers!
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