Manning up to a vow

I enjoy hearing great love stories. It makes me reflect back on what made made me fall in love with my husband. And don't we need a reminder from time to time? It's easy to get caught up in the flaws of a marriage.

That's why I loved reading "The Vow: The True Events that Inspired the Movie" (B&H Publishing Group, Nashville). It's a quick read at 180 pages, and much better than the movie. I say that because, well, the movie didn't spend time on the real emotions and frustrations that came out Kim and Krickitt Carpenter's tragedy. It instead focused on an exaggerated story to create more "stylized" drama. See my Movie Mama review. There's plenty of drama in the real story, it's just not as sexy as what was put on the big screen. And that's disappointing.

The book does hit on the couple's Christian faith, which wasn't at all mentioned in the movie. I don't understand why being a Christian has to be hidden. Even if you aren't, it's their story. It's is what keeps them fighting for each other when many others would have given up. I didn't find the mentions of their Christianity heavy handed or preachy in the book. It is what it is.

Their real story begins in late 1992 with a phone call. Kim falls for the sweet disposition of a girl taking his sportswear order and makes every effort to talk to her again. They soon meet and find they are made for each other. She moves to New Mexico and they marry. Ten weeks later, the newlyweds are heading to Phoenix for Thanksgiving dinner with family. But a tragic accident would forever change them.

The book is from Kim's perspective as a husband who watches the woman he loves in essence die before him. Krickitt not only is critically injured in a horrific crash, she forgets him entirely. Her personality — the one he falls in love with — also changes. But he's made a vow before God to love her for better or worse. It's definitely worse.

The book is written a lot like someone talking to a friend about what happened. He goes over their courtship and life together and the stark contrast of their post-trauma reality. How they treat each other is key to recovery. Kim is thinking his role now is to help her recover, so he finds himself in a role of a coach and caregiver instead of a husband. Krickitt is overwhelmed and frustrated. Imagine having someone tell you your married and you don't remember? Tension soars, and you start thinking these two won't make it. But Krickitt, who Kim came to know as a very devoted Christian, never loses her faith. She's lashing out and frustrated with Kim, but inside she's praying for guidance that she'll find the love she has for the husband she no longer remembers. He's seeking God for support, too, and must realize he also plays a role in diminishing their emotional distance.

Kim writes: "A year and a half after our wreck, I had finally resigned myself to the fact that my wife would never be the same person she had been before the accident....Krickitt never recovered her memory of our meeting, engagement, marriage, honeymoon, or anything of our life together before the accident." Heartbreaking! But they would opt to move forward together despite that huge hole in their relationship and the challenges it would create. It's those memories that help us build love and trust. They would need to start again. And they'd hit many rough patches getting there. In making it, they're inspiring.

I spoke with the couple briefly last week and the two things that struck me is Krickitt's ability to put the past behind and move forward. Don't we all get stuck in what was? She knew she couldn't dwell on the past and that she needed to be thankful for surviving a terrible crash. "It didn’t do me any good to go back to what I lost," she told me.

Kim told me he thinks it's strange that living up to his word to stand by his wife for better or worse is considered such a heroic thing. Isn't it expected? I'll share more of that conversation in another blog.

I definitely recommend picking up this best-selling book if you are looking for a little inspiration. It's made me look at my husband in a much more loving way. I can only hope it inspires many other relationships to focus on being better.

Cheers!

Love songs that I love

Right now I'm trying to come up with the Valentine's Day gift that we promised not to do. Shame on me, right? But it won't cost me a thing, just a little of my time.

I'm making my husband a playlist of love songs. One especially for him, and one made up of songs I love.

I'll sync the songs he likes onto his iPod and burn a CD of my songs for his car. This way, he can think of me just by hitting his CD shuffle.

So what songs will I add? I'll keep his list a secret, but I'm all about sharing. Here are some of my favorites:

Take My Breath Away by Berlin
Breathe by Faith Hill
At Last by Etta James
Underneath It All by No Doubt
Love Can Move Mountains by Celine Dion
Thank You by Dido
We Belong by Pat Benatar
Come to My Window by Melissa Etheridge
Love You Like a Love Song by Selena Gomez & the Scene
Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
Enchanted by Taylor Swift
How Do I by LeAnn Rimes
Sunday Morning by Maroon 5

Guess I'm pretty much done. Just a few more songs. So many that I like...

Happy Valentine's Day.

No Valentine's Day cards required - Yay!

I must admit, I'm thrilled my kids no longer give out Valentine's Day cards at school.

It's not that I didn't think it was adorable. I loved picking out the perfect perforated cards every year. I remember Scooby-Doo, Barbie, Bratz, Spider-Man, Yu-Gi-Oh! and many others. Some even came with those temporary tattoos for a little added fun. Sadly, for me, the mommy competition killed the the fun of putting together these cute Valentines. Seriously, do we need to attach THAT MUCH candy to an envelope that's half the size of a church donation card? And who has time for handmade ones?

Kids remember the kids with the good cards. That is the CANDY cards. And so the pressure for BETTER cards and candy begins. I started feeling cheap and withdrawn from the holiday because of the pressure. Which mom will go overboard? Will they talk about me behind my back because my kids' cards are plain. The tension was especially high when I was the moms editor at work.

Forget spending just $2 for cards that will be in the trash soon after. Plan on $10 per class for that extra candy. While I never went full-scale competitive, I caved into the kid pressure because I didn't want to look totally bad. I had no time to go fancy, but I did stick miniature chocolates a few times on those tiny cards. Who wants a lollipop? OK, not me! So there would be no way one of my children would offer a disappointing candy.

I'm sure not all moms see it as a competition. And maybe some moms just add the candy for fun. But when all it's supposed to be is a card exchange, adding candy creates mommy stress.

Why have that much candy coming home on Valentine's Day anyway? Don't we already have Halloween?

Cheers!