Talking to our kids about grandpa's stroke

This week my father-in-law had a major stroke. It's been a very emotionally draining time for our family. Everything seems to come to a stand-still while we wait, and yet life has to go on.

My husband left soon after getting news to be with his family. I wanted to go, too, but someone needed to stay home with our kids. My husband decided they should not see grandpa in his current state. They saw him once at the hospital a few years back. It was a freaky experience for them. This would be much more intense.

Of course this would leave me with the task of telling our kids just what happened. Death is possible; disability definite.

My husband cautioned me not to say too much. I felt it was important to prepare them for the just in case. They are 11 and 15.

I didn't make time to see what was on the web to talk to kids about strokes — there isn't much anyway. And I didn't look up anything about talking about death, as I didn't want to go there yet. Instead, I called them in for a family meeting shortly after dropping my husband off at the airport.

They saw their dad take off in a rush because grandpa was in the hospital. They needed to know what was going on, so I gave the basics and let them ask questions. They amazed me.

We talked about strokes (found a decent kid friendly description on KidsHealth later). I assured them that the doctors were working hard to make sure grandpa gets good medical care. No, he would never be the same, but he could improve. He could also get worse. We're spiritual, so we talked about God. I let them process and told them they could ask me questions as they came up.

The next two days, they'd have more questions about loss of speech, paralysis, memory loss, brain damage, recovering from a stroke, chances for it happening again, stroke prevention, dad's return home, visiting grandpa, etc.

Some questions were easier than others. I just told them what I know with a caring tone, and stayed focused on facts. If I didn't know, I said so. I also reminded them that we can't control what happens, but we can pray and know that our family and the doctors treating grandpa are trying to do right by him.

I also let their teachers know what was going on at home so they could tell me if their behavior changed. So far, so good.

Both kids have said they are sad, but they both said they'd be angry if they weren't kept in the loop. "We need to know what's going on," says my daughter.

My father-in-law is still at the hospital. We're still waiting to learn more. In the meantime, I'm on the web seeking info.

I found a few resources for younger kids. The Internet Stroke Center posted a children's book online called "When Grandpa Comes Home." It's a story about a girl who has to learn how to cope with the change in her grandfather after he has a stroke and moves in with her family.

Modern Medicine's site offers 10 tips for talking to kids about life-threatening illness.

If things turn for the worse, Hospice has some info about talking about death with kids and teens. KidsHealth also info about talking about death in age-appropriate ways.

We're hoping for the best.

Checking in: Quarterly goals

I'm feeling good. Setting a few goals for the quarter has inspired commitment to getting through my list.

So far, my Christmas inventory is nearly done. Ornaments are all put away. Boy did we have a lot of duplicate Hallmark ornaments! Just a few more boxes of outdoor decor need to be marked. Awesome.

I also have meals planned. My daughter keeps me on task here. She likes sharing her thoughts on what we should and shouldn't eat. But...

I found my weakness. I sometimes just don't WANT to follow my plan. So that's when I resort to fast food, as I did the other day. Wendy's was so easy and cheap thanks to its 99-cent menu. I need to do better here. Cooking ahead should help.

I haven't exercised as much, but that's been from a lack of time. Yes, I made an excuse! However that Christmas inventory, as well as putting it all away, was a bite. Next week will be better. Already I have plans to go to the zoo with friends. Good for walking around, and there are some hills.

I haven't been to the mall, so I'm not buying stuff I don't need...for now. :)

Cheers!

Forcing myself to plan ... at least our meals

I figure that I could save myself a lot of time if I just took 10-15 minutes in the morning to better plan out my day at home. I did this all the time at work. I kept a checklist and it kept me on task. At home, it's another story. More things than I want to acknowledge just pop up. So why keep a list? It only made me feel bad about how much was still left to do at the end of the day.

But I recently decided to start a list to plan meals better in hopes to save time and money. Funny thing is my daughter is the one making sure that I follow it. It's just a start, but it's going well.

Since my kids are still home on winter break, we have breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner on a calendar. We plan meals weekly on Saturday with everyone's input.

Everything we eat is based on what we have in our pantry or on our grocery list. No runs to the store that would waste time and gas. Yes, I'd run to the store or send my husband out for the littlest things. This often lead to unnecessary impulse purchases and wasted food.

As I prepare the following week's meal plan, I'm keeping track of items that I need to pick up and perishable that we need to use. Hmm, we need to eat those cucumbers soon!

My plan is to get everything at various grocery stores on a specific day, determined at the start of the week. And we must follow a list, so that we don't go to the store four times in a week or break our food budget.

My hope is we can keep this going forever. I know I'll be richer in time and money for it. As for the other home-project lists, I'm still working on getting those started.

Cheers!

Check out NBC's Smash at early screening Jan. 9

Every now and then, TV shows get the theater treatment. That is, a select audience gets to view it on the big screen. NBC's new show "Smash" gets this treatment on Jan. 9 at Tempe Marketplace. Download a pass to see the "Smash" screening, which begins at 7:30 p.m., at gofobo.com. It should make for a fun treat with a girlfriend or your teenager. The show premiere is set for 9 p.m. Feb. 6 on NBC (Channel 12/KPNX).

Essentially this is a show about a rising star searching for that big break and all the crazy behind-the-scenes drama of getting a musical on stage. Stars Debra Messing (Will & Grace), Jack Davenport (Flash Forward), Anjelica Huston and American Idol's Katharine McPhee. Also involved: executive producers Steven Spielberg and Craig Zadan & Neil Meron (producers of Chicago and Hairspray), and songwriters Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman (Hairspray). Learn more about the show on Smash's web site.